Freaking Liturgical Dance

It never ends.  Good night.  The most important program for students to be a part of, our small group program, has been on Sunday nights.  Since we’ve had an overflow regular crowd of 4-6 students, I figured that if we moved it mid week where our youth group….errrrrrrrrrrrr, youth choir meets and tag it on to that, parents will have an easier time supporting it.  Only to find out now, that some of our students won’t be attending small groups because they have liturgical dance on that day.

Two things:

1. Liturgical dance is a freaking joke here.  I watched them last year.  The girls are giggling while doing it, they have poor form, the dance steps are unoriginal, and it just looks awful.  How people aren’t embarrassed by it, I don’t have a clue.   It’s like we have this freaking monster attitude of the emperor has no clothes, but no one wants to say it and no one even freaking notices.
2. I have to remember that this is a start up.  My vision won’t happen for like five years and THEN we’ll be in business.  Until then, I am tilling the soil, planting the seed and watering it.  I am hoping to have a nice crop in five years.  If I don’t, I need to find another job or something. 

Five years is what it takes for most businesses to make a profit.  Is this church willing to wait five years?  Is five years too long?  Maybe in youth ministry it should be shorter.  I mean, I have 20 some odd kids so I’m dealing with about 20 families.  But the issue is that I’m dealing with loads of years and years of tradition.  There is so much work to do.  It is so discouraging.  I feel like I’m working on Mt. Rushmore and I’m dying to see something and I need the patience to wait.  If I could only see that in a few years I’m going to have a good product.  And my fear creeps in.

Fear that I’ve never been at a church for five years.  Maybe I won’t have anything in five years.  I was at one church for nearly four years, but three of those were wasted and I’m banking on the fact that I had three mediocre years and had a good profit, only by God’s hand.  And I was at the other church for a year part time and did really well, but the year I was there full time seemed like a flop.  Now I’ve been here since June, starting my sixth month, and I’m only seeing failure.  How can I not be the cause of that?

Man, the guilt just punishes me.  False guilt.  It is crippling.

I need to take care of my soul, study, and work hard.  And be patient.  Create an environment for health, and let the crop grow.