Christmas and My Sweet Wife

Here is something really funny happening in our lives right now. My sweet wife is a saint and had she not gotten me pregnant, I’m sure she’d be a nun right now.

So a couple weeks ago we received a catalog from Compassion about Christmas gifts you can give to the poor. Like, for $25 you can give a family this structure that lets them hold 200 gallons of water and provides them fresh water. Or for $75 you can buy a family a goat. You get the idea.

So you buy whatever things you want and you can put it in people’s names. So for xmas, I would get a card that says, “instead of buying you a present, I bought worms vaccinations for 50 children in Niger in your name. Merry Christmas.” Or something like that.

Again, my wife is a saint. She is getting a book published and when she received her first check from the publisher for $2,700 she immediately sent a check for $500 to the poor. So she is pretty intense, etc.

So her parents call her and say, “What do you want for Christmas?” Jen spends a day thinking about it and can’t think of anything. So she finally goes, “You know what I want? I don’t need anything. I want you to take whatever you were going to spend on me, and buy me stuff from this catalog. That would be the best present.” And then her mom says, “What can I get Charis?” Again, Jen is like, “You know, Charis doesn’t need anything either. But if you are going to buy her something, buy her $1 coloring book, cause she would love that. If that’s not enough, buy her a warm coat and donate it to a child in need.”

Nevertheless, this is not going over so well. Jen’s dad is like, “Just do what your daughter wants.” But mom is still not ready. She really wants to buy Jen something.

So she emailed me yesterday saying what should I get her.

I emailed her back with a bunch of sweet ideas.

I told Jen about it and she sent the following email to her mom:

ken told me you asked him for more ideas for me...

I am not kidding. I really do not need anything. What is worse is that he said he gave you some good ideas. There is nothing you can get me that is more important than showing me what went to these children and families instead of me. Honest.

Love you,

Jen

So Mom emailed me going, “What do I do now?”

I talked to Jen for 45 minutes and then sent her mom this email:

Ah…your daughter…sigh…she is serious. She did not tell me the same thing because I had already bought her presents before she came up with this clever idea.

Alas, she is steadfast.

Really.

Nevertheless, this IS her Christmas wish.

I think she’s going to send you an email letting you off the hook, but really, this is what she wants and this is what would make her so happy. Even if it means that the rest of us feel like idiots because we were pretty pumped about receiving gifts.

Good luck!

So who knows what will happen now, but it all is cracking me up. On the one hand, this is why I love Jen so much. She really is the most Christ-like person I know. She is gentle, humble, patient, and so kind. She doesn’t force her beliefs on others. She just loves.

But I can’t help all the comedic happenings that are going to go on with us all receiving presents and everyone going from, “Ooh, this Christmas has really rocked. I’ve gotten some sweet stuff!” to “Ah shit, I feel like a dumbass because I didn’t ask for little hungry children to be fed with the money that was spent on my worthless gifts.”

And here I am, standing on the fence between…loving my wife, being awed and inspired by her, and totally understanding where she is coming from…all the while also lathering myself up with the materialistic desires bred by this Holiday Season…and just enjoying the preshow that is taking place before we head up to Christmas.

Hanging with Tony

Tony was very gracious a number of months ago to invite readers of his blog to hang out with him. I took him up on the offer and tonight Kirk drove up and Josh, me, and Kirk took Tony out to Applebee's to talk about what we are going to try to do next at First. Kirk did a great job of giving our church history and the opportunity before us.

He shared that the church in a church model hasn't worked. He gave examples of three churches, the only one I can come up with is Graceland and Dan Kimball. He did say there was one that he knew of, that was similar to our situation, was a church in Edina, MN called The Upper Room. He invited us to come up there and see what they were doing.

The other thing he said is to get a group of people together. A group of people who are tired of the church and disenfranchised, people who are just hanging on by a thread almost giving up on the church. Get those people together and start sharing life and talking about what the church needs to be and letting those people form the core for the start.

One other thing he said that was interesting is of these people, we should ask them to make a serious commitment to the community. Ask them to stay here and partner with us. To not move. To not take other jobs. But to commit to being there.

That is GREAT! And that's what Jen and I are longing for. To meet with people and do life with them. The more I am involved in this emergent conversation and the more I think about what church can be, the more pumped I get at doing it. It is going to rock.

Sidebar: Tony was great. A great guy. Great thinking. compassionate. Caring. great to be with. Time well worth spent.

Tony at the banquet

Ah, Tony in his usual form, trying to get everyone riled up and thinking. They had people talk at the tables about what thier dream church would be, what three things do we think the church can be and needs to be. Then they had people share. One lady said that she thought we should make love more (pause) real to people, or something to that effect. A lot of us in the room couldn't help but chuckle at the awkward placement of the pause.

Tony said something that really stuck out to me when people were sharing. Someone said that the church needs to be more relevant, which is something I've said before. Tony said he was more concerned with the church being more authentic than more relevent. That authenticity was more imporant than relevancy.

He also shared that we need not be afraid of the troubling texts in God's Word, but we do need to acknowledge it, and take the good with the bad instead of pretending the bad doesn't exist. He used Jephthah's story in Judges 11 as a text of something incredibly sad and horrendous.

Workshops with Tony

This morning Tony spoke about contemplative prayer and spiritual disciplines. The afternoon workshops were on body prayers and postmodernism.

Good stuff.

Josh and I were both taken back with the idea that conversational prayer, in the form that we know it as today, has only been around for 40-50 years! I wonder how people prayed 60 years ago...

I told Tony that I thought he was going to easy in the postmodernism workshop, but I think it was more of a passive (anabaptist pun) group than I have experienced with Tony before. When I've heard him before it's in a room of youth pastors and they are defending and fighting and arguing. This group was pretty tame. He talked about Solomon's Porch, Jacob's Well, and a church in Seattle and UMC in Florida.

Tony Jones, 2nd session

Moby, a Christian, as a picture of postmodernism.

Human objective truth is a myth. There is objective truth. But our minds are finite and it makes it hard to really know all the facts possible. And so human objectivity is a unicorn. Never existed. Instead there are authoritative communities of interpretation.

The interpretation of MLB’s strike zone is not a science. It is an art. The community of baseball changed the strike zone over time. It has been pulled down and outside. 2001 MLB tried to go back to the fundamentals of the strike zone, but by 2002 it had gone back to down and outside. “Balls and strikes come into being only on the call of an umpire.”

What is church? What is the church? On one level, the church is nothing, until we decide what it is.

Acts 10. Peter’s vision. Don’t let your blinders, like Peter, keep God from doing what He needs to do. Don’t let yourself be blinded from what God is doing throughout Christianity. God’s activity is not contingent on the church.

The church of my dreams, maybe God’s dreams, has bands of covert believers who are committed to interpreting God’s activity in the world through authoritative communities of interpretation.

Sidebar: Two interesting twists about this conference. First, they have flown in young adults who are sharing their thoughts on the church, and a lot of their experience of church and how church is now. The second thing is that they have an open mike at every session to allow immediate feedback and conversation. As in, Tony is not the only authority but that everyone has something to share. It’s very, very interesting.

I am Tony Jones

Josh and I are in Hesston for the Anabaptist Vision and Discipleship Series where they have brought out postmodern guru Tony Jones (who is a spitting image of our very own Todd Ramsey!).  And I stole Tony's name tag, much to his approval.

 

Tonight was just an intro.  Some great stuff though!  Other than some young kid flaming about being brainwashed as a creationist and biblical literist.  Don't get me wrong, I get what he's saying.  But he needed to pull the ejector seat badly! 

 

Tony shared about the idea of Globalization.  That there are three options:  Secularism (which is dead), Fundamentalism & Ethnocism(?), and what he believes is the only answer, postmodernism.

 

A couple things he said were key to this conversation.

 

#1.  Didactic Tension.  As in, holding two things that don't really go together, but holding them much like a paradox.  As in, how can I be a robust Christian, believe in Jesus, love Jesus, etc. and also be truly authentic, open, and interested in another's viewpoint, regardless of view point, because he is a child of the Creator.

 

#2.  Epistomological (?) Humility.  As in, understanding the process of thinking and how we think and believing that we truly do not know everything, do not process information the same, we do not fully understand nor comprehend the process of thinking, as in, we truly may not fully understand.  We don't have the corner.

 

I felt like I butchered both of those.  Maybe Josh can add something here.

 

Nevertheless, he ended with a sweet story about his son that is a great illustration of these, especially the first.  It reminds me of my sweet boy Noah.

 

His son was in first grade and they were at home doing the dishes when his son asked, "Dad, how come kids at school call each other 'kid'?" 

 

"What do you mean?" said Tony.

 

Tony had his son repeat the question to which Tony replied the same.   This led his son to explain.

 

"Well, like today.  I was at my locker putting on my backpack when this fourth grader bumped into me and said, 'Hey, Sorry, Kid.'  Like, why would a 4th grader call another kid, 'Kid.'  Why wouldn't he say, "Hey, Sorry, friend'?"

 

Tony of course got a couple laughs with this.  But what a great illustration.  We are not enemies with everyone.  Everyone is not against us.  Instead of starting off against each other we should start off with "Friend."

 

Jen Rawson, my sweet wife, totally gets this.  I struggle with this.  I am always so defensive.  Hard of listening.  And many times when I'm listening, I'm really just looking for loopholes in someones logic so I can throw them down.  I have to be proven wrong. 

 

What a bad attitude.  I need to listen more and start off with "Friend."

Me love some Tony Jones

Tonight begins a conference in Hesston, KS. Hat tip to the college there for bringing out Tony Jones to talk about doing church in an emergent culture. It all starts tonight and Josh Melcher and I are heading out for that.

With my renewed desire to cultivate my soul as well as my body, I'm excited to learn from Tony and his workshops on prayers as well what I'll learn that will impact what we're doing at First.

Sometimes the Bear eats you and sometimes you eat the bear

So I was talking to my Senior Pastor, a great guy (and I wrote that even though he doesn’t know I have a blog), about my struggles with feeling overwhelmed, lack of time, can’t get things done, etc.

And he said to me, “Sometimes you eat the bear and sometimes the bear eats you.”

Yeah, except that the friggin’ bear has been eating me for weeks!!!  I rarely eat the bear.  And the next month I am going to miss Saturdays with my kids for the bear because of my bad planning, not saying “no,” and my insatiable appetite for people to like me and feel validated.  I’m going to a conference with Tony Jones this Saturday.  Youth event on the 4^th.  Then I’m speaking at two workshop things the next two Saturdays.  I want to be with my kids, but obviously not.  So much to do and so little time.  I’m always feeling overwhelmed!

 

Lack of Blogging

So I’m blogging a ton at the wichitasbiggestloser site.  Hardly anything here.  And I thought this morning, “Man, I’m blogging a ton and really enjoying sharing my journey of weight loss and what I’m doing.  So, I’ll blog a ton about the transformation of my body, but what about the transformation of my soul?

Paul says that physical exercise is good.  But working our souls is for eternity.  And the fact is, I don’t have much to share.  The transformation of my soul has really taken a back seat.  Isn’t that sad.  I’m so delussioned.  But here is to a renewed effort to continue keeping my soul healthy, fresh, and alive and blogging about it here.

Next, I’ll have to blog about what some of my fellow youth workers shared yesterday about their theology of war.

 

A Sweet Weekend

So Sunday after church I take my kids to the Wichita Wranglers last game.

And had a couple absolute best highlights!

Baseball isn’t the most exciting sport for a lot of people. Heck, I love it but even I struggle at times. So taking Ciera and Noah to the game is always a mix up of not wanting to spoil it too quickly. We got there a little early and watched the Tulsa Drillers team warm up and got to get upclose to the pitcher. Noah was SUPER wiggly through the game but Ciera was just chilling.

Then it happened. At some point Ciera turned to me, GLEAMING with delight and said, "I LOVE baseball."

What dad doesn't want to hear that?! She’s all, “Baseball is fun when you can understand what’s going on!” Ah yeah! Barring her becoming a devil worshiper, I think my job is done here…

And if that wasn't good enough, I got to finally be the “funny heckler guy” too.

The Tulsa Drillers have the bases loaded. Their giant first basemen is up at the plate. Dude takes a freaking MONSTER homerun swing...and the swinging bunt is recovered by the charging 3rd basemen who easily flips it to first for the out.

The first baseman is at the foot of the stairs to go down into the dugout, and there is hardly anyone at the ball park, 2500, and I shout out, "WAY TO CRUSH THE BALL #28!!!"

The dude smirks, looks my way, and waves. So freaking funny.

Yes, unload your jokes on how this will only snow ball and now I'll be the guy whose kids don't sit with me anymore because I say obnoxious things at every batter hoping to relive my one moment of comedic genius.

For an instant, it was great to be the funny guy in my section.

Lastly, we don’t have “Headache” at Lawrence Dumont Stadium, but we have someone just as bad. The Wranglers let kids run the bases after the games so I’m over on the 1^st base side and my kids are in line to run the bases. There’s this 50 year old dude, balding, there with his 60 year old friend just talking the usual lame baseball nonsense.

Then it happens.

Foul ball.

So all these kids start running for the ball. Including this 50 year old dude. He cuts the conversation off in mid sentence, BARRELS through the line of kids waiting to run the bases, nearly knocks kids down trying to chase down the freaking ball!

This happens THREE times while I’m sitting there in the bottom of the 9^th. The dude, jean shorts, tennis shoes, plaid short sleeve button up shirt, bad moustache, glove in hand, and his comb over standing straight up like a sail boat as he charges over, through, and past kids trying to get a foul ball. Freaking classic.

So there you go boys! Another sweet day at the ball park. Even if it’s AA and not the Giants.

Just a little bit of hope...

Okay…I’m feeling it. I know I’m a jackass, but listen…with Bonds playing like this…only being 25 HR’s away…man, I’m beginning to have second thoughts. I’m beginning to want him back. No one is going to pay him first rate cash. NO ONE. So if he’ll play for less cash, what’s one-two more years? IF HE’S PLAYING LIKE THIS.

I guess therein lies the problem. He probably won’t. But dude, the guy single-handedly puts us back in games!!!!!

Of course, we are still 4.5 games back in the West and 2.5 in the Wildcard…

It's done

Well, it was good while it lasted.

 

The Giants suck…still.   We aren’t making the playoffs.  I was suckered in again.  How can they play so well, and then suck so bad?!

 

A buddy of mine told me to just forget about them and the 49ers.  The Barry Bonds deal did him in and he totally gave up on the Giants and 49ers, fantasy baseball and everything!!!  He said life is so great now he doesn’t have to worry about them anymore.

 

I asked him if it hurt when his balls were cut off.

 

Okay, I didn’t ask him, but I was wondering…just kidding, he’s a great guy.  But nevertheless…

Funny Verse Time

So I'm reading 1 John and I come across this totally funny Scripture. I don't think that it was Our Lord's Brother's purpose in writing this, but it comes across a little awkward:

6We are from God, and whoever knows God listens to us; but whoever is not from God does not listen to us. This is how we recognize the Spirit of truth and the spirit of falsehood. 1 John 4:6

Am I the only one who thinks this could be totally manipulative? "IF you don't listen to us, you must not be from God." HA!!!

I never here this critique of Scripture, cause I'm sure not many non-Christians read that far. But man, that is pretty bad logic. So funny.

overwhelmed!!!

So much to do. So distracted.

Wichita's Biggest Loser

Alright...So the secret is out. I tried and tried to find the original email I sent Mrs. Shideler, but I must have deleted it. Nevertheless, they had an article online and in the Wichita Eagle today.

So funny!!!!

I can totally use the accountability. Enjoy.


Do you have what it takes to be a big 'loser'?
BY KAREN SHIDELER
The Wichita Eagle

Ken Rawson of Wichita came up with an idea: The Eagle, he thinks, should have its own version of television's "The Biggest Loser," and he wants to be a contestant.

"I've got to make a lifestyle change," he wrote. "I have three kids and a sweet wife, and I want to model a healthy lifestyle for them. And the extra accountability could only help."

We think he has a great idea.

Here's what we have in mind:

We'd like to profile five people (Rawson and four others) who are willing to go public with their weight-loss attempts.

We won't make you go through boot camp or use our products and sponsors (heck, we don't even have products and sponsors).

We figure you already know how to lose weight -- eat less, exercise more -- so the particular approach you take is up to you.

We're more interested in how you get to your goal than in how many pounds you lose.

To participate, you must be willing to have your "before" and "after" pictures taken and share your successes (and failures) over three months. We're hoping that might inspire other readers in their own efforts.

If you think going public would help you be accountable, and you'd like to be considered, e-mail Karen Shideler at kshideler@wichitaeagle.com with "weight loss" in the subject line. Include your name, a daytime telephone number, and a few sentences about why we should pick you.

P.S. We don't have a $250,000 grand prize to offer; we think your weight loss is the real payoff. But we will give one of the five -- chosen at random in a drawing -- a $50 gift certificate to go toward clothes in a new size.

Wichita's Biggest Loser

Fun story to come later, but for now, I made a new blog for my new journey towards weight loss.

wichitasbiggestloser.blogpsot.com

We need some new pens!

Check-washing: erasing the ink on checks and changing them

By Cory Doctorow

Cory Doctorow: Bruce Schneier reports on the reputed practice of "check-washing" wherein fraudsters use solvents to take the ink off checks and then re-address them and change the sums on them: If you are a ballpoint pen lover, switch to black ink when security is important. Among water-based inks, remember that gels are the most impervious. But when you're writing checks to pay the monthly bills, only one type of ink, the kind in gel pens, has been found to be counterfeit proof to acetone or any other chemical used in "check washing." Most ballpoint and marker inks are dye based, meaning that the pigments are dissolved in the ink. Link Update: Hanne sez, "I thought I'd put a few words in for one of my favorite inkmakers, Noodler's Ink. Specifically, their magnificent Waterproof Black ink, which bonds to the cellulose in paper fibers and cannot be washed out or dissolved out of the paper. For those concerned about the possibility of check-washing, or those who have any other forgery concerns of any sort, I can't recommend Waterproof Black highly enough."

A Million Little Lives and Relativism

Don’t know if you guys have been following this whole deal with James Frey, Oprah, the Smoking Gun, etc.

 

If you have, I find it interesting that in a world that seems to be pushing more and more for relativism, the TRUTH, not subjective truth, is what really matters. 

 

 

Update

Alright, at staff meeting they had all kinds of stuff. I had like 6 small tortilla wraps, a ton of vegetables, like 6 crackers, and a spoonful of ranch dressing. Not too bad!!!

Lunch I busted out the Taquito and drink…

Nothing else…Chicken tacos for dinner…yum

Day 2 update

Ahhhh Yeah!!!

 

Day 2 started off with me kicking butt at the Y!  I didn’t meet my goal of going to bed by 10 PM, but I did make it to bed by 10:30.  Asleep at 11 AM.  Alarm goes off at 5:20 AM and I lay in bed till 6:00 AM. 

 

But I GOT OUT OF BED!  And I packed up my crap, hit the gym, did 26 minutes on the treadmill, 20 min on the stair master, and 20 minutes on the Arc trainer.

 

I’m so proud of myself.

 

But now for the second part and the hardest part…controlling my eating.  I didn’t bring any food with me which is a no no.  I will bring water to the staff meeting.  I will have a taquito and a drink for lunch.  I will work hard today and get home and prepare a meal for my family!

 

 

 

Day 2

So the plan is the same that it was supposed to be today. Except I am going to bed early so that I can get the rest I need!

Breakfast: Small bowl of cereal.
Lots of water
Water to staff meeting
Taquito for lunch and diet soda
Orange and/or apple and/or banana for snacks
Maybe tuna
Appropriate dinner

Lots of work to do tomorrow. hooray for another start!

Day 1 update: I suck

Obviously I can’t be trusted to go to bed late and wake up early anymore.  I’ve tried and tried.  I just can’t do it.  I have no motivation, no will power.  My only guess is that I need to go to bed by 10 PM in order to wake up around 5 am.  So I’ll try that tonight.

 

So now gym today…tomorrow.  I’m still eating good.  Still feeling good.  Still on my way towards freedom.

 

Day 1

I look rediculous. Partly because I shaved off my beard to look like Paul Sr. of American Chopper but I certainly have not been gifted with that kind of facial hair. The other reason is because I am weighing in at 280 lbs +!!!

Good night.

I have never been this big.

I am scheduled to do a wedding on June 8th or 9th.

I have a watch that doesn't fit.

I purchased a $170 Giants Jersey INTENTIONALLY too small.

More than any of those things, I want to experience what Dallas Willard calls, Easy Routine Obedience, or Discipline.

I would like to master my own body. I would like to have a healthy marriage. I want to be able to compete with my kids athletically and be able to do anything they can do. I want to hold my grand babies.

So here is my plan. For tomorrow.

Wake up at 5 AM. Get out of the house and to the Y before 6 AM. One hour of Cardio. 20 minutes on the walking thing, 20 minutes on the stairmaster, 20 minutes on the Arc Trainer.

My plan is to work out 6 days a week.

All Cardio this week.

Next week I will initiate weight training. One set.

The following week I'll do two sets.

The next week I'll be full on into three sets.

So the first month will be a warm up and then I have three months to kick ass.

Excercise is only one part of the deal.

The next part has got to be eating. I will plan out my meals the day before. I will count calories. If I can limit myself to 2000 calories, I should be golden.

Tomorrow:

Lots of water
1 serving of Cereal, wheaties, skim milk.
Snack: orange, apple
Lunch option A: Pizza with Max S.
Lunch option B: Lunch with Brian from the conference
Snack: Tuna? Maybe a QT Taquito
Dinner: Very light


The other part is that I am going to be doing a whole lifestyle change. So I am going to need lots of help. Food is such an escape for me. I will be praying, reading, blogging, sharing.

Lord, Jesus Chris, have mercy on me a sinner. Grant me the strength I need. I know there is no temptation too strong that I cannot stand up under it. I love you. Thanks. Amen.

Thoughts on Camp

What I’m Looking For In A Summer Camp Program

Ken Rawson

Director, Student Ministries

First United Methodist Church

 

 

 

Preface:  I’m just a customer.  I have no stake in either program.

 

 

Deeply Spiritual Experience

My life was radically changed at camp and I long for students to have the same experience I had.  The devotions in the notebook, devotions led by the counselors, initiative games and problem solving activities in the small groups, the emergent midday program, a worship experience that combines deep teaching by an outside speaker and a cutting edge worship band, along with debriefing the small group at night all illustrate YouthFront’s commitment to a deep and powerfully moving spiritual experience by the campers.

 

 

Quality Diverse Recreation

I want a camp that sells itself.  It is not even that YouthFront has so many things to do, but the quality of what they have.  It’s not that you can go fishing, but that ANYONE can catch a fish because the pond is so stocked.  It’s not that they have a pool, but that you can go swimming whenever you want during free time.  It’s not that they have a recreation room, but that it has 8 ping pong tables, 10 pool tables, etc.  That’s not to mention a waterslide, paintball, ropes course, basketball, volleyball, soccer fields and all the activities that go along with that, boating, the Blob, a café with Karaoke, and ATV rides.  

 

 

Turn Key Programming

When I come to camp, my sole responsibility is to have meaningful spiritual conversations with students.  YouthFront actually tries to regulate this!  They INTENTIONALLY challenge each counselor to spend QUALITY meaningful time in spiritual conversations daily with campers in their cabins.  By not having to plan ANYTHING, by not being responsible for any programming, I am freed up to love on students and share their experience with them.  YouthFront understands youth ministry in the local congregation and provides an incredible program to aid the youth leader in what they are trying to accomplish:  Coaching students along their journey with Christ.

 

 

 

Extra Things that I appreciate about YouthFront:

• Resort-like housing
• GOOD food
• Great price